date:
Friday, July 20, 2007
school tdy was boring=/
qiu came over in the morn to do computing hw, and dad drove us to sch. were late as usual, but stats was so simple it was boring=/ tuition from 6-10, not bad~
life's like a routine now.
but i really want to do well for my studies. and hopefully work on my music too. been so busy i can't work on it..
it's 12:34 am! haha oh well. my life is so dead boring. i'm trying to read an accounts chap but it's abt as interesting as the fly on my wall that hasn't moved for a few hours.]
hmmm... chatting with ah liy online. really intersting stuff.
am i blogging cause i hope he'll read and feel sorry and come back?
i guess sometimes i do wished so.
but..... i know for sure he doesn't, cause he doesn't want any contact with me. hence i blogged freely..
i know he doesn't love me anymore. i'm not delusioning myself.
i am trying to get better.
he hurt me so bad, even if he were to come back, i'll be so afraid he'll just pull his vanishing act on me again. i've lost trust in relationships.. i've already begun to feel numb. yes i've been more or less successful in numbing myself. i drink on a weekly basis, and i blog out everything i feel, and i pack myself 24/7 from the moment i open my very small eyes till the moment i shut them.
i've been too busy to think, to tired to feel, to afraid to try.
i'm trying so hard to put on a strong front. yuan always thought i was dependent on him. i need to be independent again, without him.
but sometimes, i just wished i didn't have to be alone...
kaela @
12:16:00 AM